I am once again remembering to be more accepting of where I am and what is possible, while also creating the time to do what is important to me. With a post partum brain that often can only plan one to two days ahead for practical things like grocery shopping and play dates, and with scattered bits of time throughout the week, I currently find it hard to be creating multiple things at the same time. So I am trying to embrace doing the next thing, and then the next, then the next. And embracing the rest in between.

A couple of weeks ago I held a Qoya class themed Remembrance.

Deepening into remembering the wisdom that we hold within. Stepping into a labyrinth to take time to listen. Dancing with what it feels like to forget, and what it means to embrace the wildness and aliveness we all hold. For me there was a remembrance of where I have come from and the cycles we are all connected to. Remembering the seasonal cycles as well as the creative cycle.

A part of the creative cycle is the quiet, darkness and silence before the spark of new ideas. What some call the Fertile Void.

Opening up to the Fertile Void

It was 2016. I was feeling lost, searching for the answers for what I should do next. Wondering what my ‘why’ was and how that would translate into a high paying job with the flexibility to also be present with my children (I aim high!).

But maybe I was approaching it in the wrong way.

What I did know was that I didn’t want to go back to working long hours in a corporate office, but what was I without that? I didn’t enjoy cooking and being a homemaker in a traditional sense, so wasn’t excited about what I imagined a full-time stay at home Mum would do (I now have a greater appreciation for the span of this role!). I knew I needed to rest but that felt uncomfortable.

Shouldn’t I be doing something? Why couldn’t I just ‘know’ what I wanted to do and have the knowledge right there and then about what I was to do next.

I got a coach and tried to ‘find my purpose’. I spent a lot of money on courses and certifications wondering if they were the magic bullet.

I had been so focused on finding what I would do as a job, as my work, as my vocation; but I hadn’t even stopped to consider that maybe I was where I needed to be.

It was at this point that I discovered the work of Kate Northrup, and she introduced me to the concept of the ‘Fertile Void’. The Fertile Void is a time where we need to:

• Rest
• Be in the unknown and mystery of it all
• Pause and re-evaluate
• Allow ourselves to sink into where we are
• It is when nothing particular may stand out and we aren’t sure what to expect or what may be coming around the corner.

It has the same energy as the season of winter where plants rest and live off stored food until spring; as well as the phase of the menstrual cycle where we bleed and we instinctively want to curl up, stay warm and rest.

Kate had a prolonged period in a Fertile Void after she published her first book, where she didn’t want to work on her business, and wasn’t feeling inspired creatively at all. It wasn’t until several years later and she was one year post-partum with her first child that things started to fall into place for her, and she stepped out of the Fertile Void and brought new work into the world.

Every healthy cycle has this fertile void. A rest phase before the growth.

I was in the Fertile Void. It gave me permission to take time. Maybe it was OK to take things slower.

To explore. Look after my body. Read and learn. Experiment. Play. Nap. Focus on me.

Maybe if I did that more clarity would come my way.

This was something that I had never thought about or been exposed to in a world where tech teams are continually ‘sprinting’, organisations are obsessed about launching things as fast as they can with mantras like ‘fail fast, fail early’ and ‘go hard and go fast’; and there is a real fear about falling behind the competition. We are expected to be on and available all the time and is it acceptable to go to the gym at lunchtime, but not to take break mid-morning to lie down on the grass and stare at the clouds.

But if we don’t allow ourselves this period of stopping after a period of growth and action, it can feel like we are on a never-ending hamster wheel. Wondering where we are heading and how to get off.

Taking the time

Because rest and taking a break for reflection and contemplation isn’t valued in our culture, the Fertile Void can be really uncomfortable.

It was for me.

It felt really hard to embrace rest even though my body and spirit was calling out for it.

So I looked to different women to inspire me with new ways of living. I still did some strategy contracts for organisations but kept them short term and part-time. I opened up to the wisdom of my own body, and the power of deep connection with nature. I started to be more selective with the courses I chose, as I gained a greater understanding of my capacity and ability to make the most of my investment. I chose experiences full of joy and connection. I embraced a post-partum cocoon and slow weekends.

For me this overarching period of the Fertile Void has taken time, and that I circled back into even more deeply during 2020 lockdowns and post-partum with Noah. It wasn’t always easy, but I feel like I am emerging again with so much more energy, vitality and focus now.

I found out later that Kate Northrup hadn’t created this concept, and the term originally came from Fritz Perls the founder of Gestalt Therapy. He shares that the Fertile Void ‘is where meaning-making ceases and being begins’ and where ‘we learn the art of being’.

Sometimes we are so caught up in the doing that we forget this bit. That we are human beings not human doings.

What’s Next?

The Fertile Void is that space between “that’s done” and “what next?”, and for me the what’s next is exciting. As I do start to emerge again at nearly a year post-partum, a project that has bubbling along under the surface is ready to birthed.

‘Wise, Wild & Whole’ is a year-long soulful exploration for thinking women to connect with their wild wisdom, slow down and start living.

In an intimate community of like-minded women, you’ll find a safe, sacred space where you are fully seen, heard and held. We will come together in circle and sacred ritual to embody the changes you want to make. So you may come home to your true nature, in nature.

Each month has a theme aligned with the seasons. Connecting us to our natural cycles and gifting you the time and spaciousness to make deep, lasting, courageous change. Together, we will rest and dream bigger dreams. Explore play and pleasure. Courage and compassion. Surrender and sovereignty. Self-love and wisdom.

Together, we will come alive.

We will start at Winter Solstice and follow the wheel of the year together, meeting in person and online. Starting with the time of the year when we can feel the energy of the Fertile Void and explore what rest can mean for us and our lives.

And if you do feel like you are in the Fertile Void part of the cycle right now.

It is fine.

You will be OK.

Take your time.